I don't know what to do.

[Chairman_Tiel]

Much as I hate to bother you all with my trivial issues, the outcome of this particular problem may very well effect the forums.

If life were an RPG, I'd have much more points invested in 'Internet Communication' than 'Social Skills', and such you'll see me with a computer half the time. That's why it's such a big deal when for some unforseeable reason it gets confiscated; I really don't have much in the way of talents or recreation outside of it. Now, my mom (I hesitate to call her that after today's incident) is very..stubborn and proud, to put it lightly, and uses my reliance on the computer against me...she has broken two of my computers thus far (yes, MINE, these were not purchased by her but with SS money I get since my dad's a senior citizen. Why, I don't know.) Anyway, that's just setting the backstory.

Basically what happened today is she asked me to do something, I ask for a few minutes to set up a download, she refuses and grabs a mess of cables that include my power cord, saying I won't get them back until the task is done. After trying to talk to her, I end up trying to grab them from her until she throws them down the staircase. I go get them, she grabs my laptop from the room and holds it over the balcony, telling me she'll drop it if I don't do what she asks RIGHT AWAY. We get into a heated argument until she throws my mouse at my head (freaking hurt, too) at which point I being the bloody genius I am go into mommy's room and grab her laptop. She talks about calling the police, I do it first.

Long story short, this is the third time the police have been called and apparently she can press charges for assault. This being Texas, the cops come in, tell me I'm wrong in as rude a manner as possible, and then leave with the promise that next time it's jail.

So, the thing is my parents are divorced. I could just go up there to save my skin from going to prison at the slightest sign of disobedience to my mother, but he doesn't want me up there either, it would seem. Why is beyond me, as I don't think of myself as a bad person, just a quiet kid who sits at the back and shoots B+ grades for lack of motivation. I'm firm in the belief that if you asked any of my teachers they'd say the same as far as behavior is concerned. But it's gotten to the point where I've been considering taking my own life because I don't see any viable way out of this scenario. Mom talked to her friends about me being 'possessed' and how she's given up on me, Dad's giving this BS about having no spare rooms in his pretty large home...I don't like to discuss personal problems, but as it is this community is the closest thing I have to confidantes (pretty sad when you think about it), so if anyone can see a route out of this mess feel free to enlighten me.

But anyway, now to the part that affects you. As some are aware, recently there was a swap to a paid webhost. I can probably convince the male parent to take it out of my savings, but 000 remains a contingency, as does the old forum. Just bear that in mind.

[CommanderKobialka]

Well, first of all you cant come out with that story and expect us to be more worried about the forum. I can relate as my Mom hates my computer and my Dad has a job for the army in Afghanistan. If it wasnt for the fact that I require this computer for school, I wouldnt have it at all. Unless its on the internet, I'm not that social at all. Other than family, I have 2 people I know IRL that I actually consider friends, and the other way around, and the only reason for that is that I've known one since pre-school and the other since second grade. For the subject of lesser importance, the forum, I really wish I could pitch in with money but I don't get an allowance. I get money every once in a while for baby-sitting and what not but thats pretty much it, and it only happens a few times a year

[Keon]

That's serious. Does your school / community have anybody you can talk to? Teachers, administrators, psychologists, mediators? I would invite you to stay at my place but you are from the internet so no.

[fr0stbyte124]

What's the rate on the new webhost?

[Iv121]

BTW it might be a bit of an obsession for you. The comp is not worth your life ... I can't rly tell because I never faced such things. My parents are not ok with me being in front of the comp but they sort of accepted it already. They give me full freedom when it comes to this thing. I can buy what I want for my comp with my money and they don't interfere with my schedule as they say I'm big enough to do my choices. Also I don't understand why your mother would want you to be in Jail for not obeying her ...

While I see the situation I don't understand the exact problem ( I mean I see the global picture but it's a bit fuzzy and you need to say it more specifically). From what I understood you might want to find another activity in your free time, something to get you away from the screen for a while.

I also wish I could help you with the fees but my father hates any form of virtual payment sry.

[Dr. Mackeroth]

Right, well... Um... Wow. If someone is desperate enough to seek help on an online gaming community, they're in trouble. From what I read, your problems are anything but trivial. The needs of the forum come second, if you are unable to pay for the forum, I'm happy to step up (my parents mightn't be, but I'm sure I can convince them). I'm going to assume you're telling the truth, and you better be...

But, forget that. Let's see if we can't get your life back on-track. Now, I am assuming that you're not exaggerating any of what you said, and this is from your point-of-view on the issues. I am only trying to help, but remember I'm just a kid, and I have no experience with these things.

First things first, what are the problem you're facing? From what you've posted here (and I'm sure there's more information that would be useful here), these are the main problems:


Problems:

Spoiler:

1- You're having major issues with the way your Mum is treating you: with a lack of respect, and a great deal of self-righteousness.
1.a- You're Mum has called the police on you for something that was unjust, and your next "offence" will result in you being put in prison.

2- You're Dad is far away and doesn't want you to live with him.

3- There are secondary issues that may be present
3.a- You're not doing well at school
3.b- You have developed a strong dependence on the computer

Next, we need to see why these problems are happening:

Reasons:

Spoiler:

1- You're parents have broken up. This has put large amounts of stress on both your parents, which your Mum has taken out on you. This is the obvious explanation for problems 1 & 2. However, knowing why your parents broke up is vital in understanding this. Do you know why your parents broke up? If had something to do with you (and I'm not accusing you of anything), it would explain why your Mum is like this, and your Dad doesn't want you. Did you get into major trouble before they split? Was it because of the computer? (Okay, for that to destroy a marriage is a weak reason...). The point is, the why is vital in understanding this.

2- The secondary problems are caused primarily by this undue family stress. You use the computer as a means of hiding from this frightening world, and likewise, your marks reflect the stress of home.

There are also a couple of questions that I think should be put in this section, don't answer then if you feel that they're too personal:
1- Does religion come into this at all, because it is a powerful motivate of things both good and bad. It can tear families apart, or give a man the strength to endure things far worse.
2- Do you have any siblings?
3- Where your parent's happy before they split up? Was your Mum like this before it happened?
4- Is your Mum neglecting your care? Or is she just easily angered?'

While much of what I just said seems obvious, it is important to lay it all clear. Now, with the limited information I have at my disposal, I'm going to present some advice:

Advice:

Spoiler:

1- Don't ever consider taking your own life. No matter how desperate life seems, there is always a way out. There are people in far worse conditions than yourself, think about them. I know it's cliche, but think about poor African families, scraping a living and living a mud hut, with no clean water and not knowing when the next meal will come. Or, think about people living in the worse areas of the Middle East, where you could be shot, stabbed, or bombed at any minute.

2- Seek help. There are many help services for people in your situation, because too many people face hard family lives. I advise by starting with the school councilor, as they are trained to deal with situations like this, and can refer you to other psychologists (including family psychologists). Many people in dire situations forgot that the world can help them. Never forget that there are people that can help you out there. The world is not your enemy, something to be locked out.

3- If you have a friend, or friends, you can trust, tell them about what's going on. If things are bad enough, you may consider staying with a friend until things calm down, or even permanently. Confiding in someone who you trust is an excellent way to deal with worries. You could also stay with other family (if viable)

4- Get off the computer. While it is a method of hiding from your life, it is better to face it, so you deal with it with your full attention and will power. Hiding won't solve the problem, only you can (preferably with support).
4.a- Put more effort into school. You will get through this, and it'll be the single greatest regret later in life if you can't get into a job/university because you didn't do as well at school as you could

.




Well, I hope I helped. Once again, I have no experience with this, I have probably underestimated what it's like for you to go through this, which is IMPERATIVE that you talk to some about it: either a close friend or a professional. Preferably both.

[҉]

I've been considering taking my own life because I don't see any viable way out of this scenario.

Don't do that. There's always (like, always) a better solution. I don't have much advice to give you, as this is a very long way away from any of my personal experiences, but don't commit suicide.

[blockman42]

I don't think that taking your own life is worth it (But that's what everybody would say and they're right). I think that you should set some ground rules with your mother about chores and your computer. Since she has broken it 2 times by now, you might want to make sure she does even touch it.

Considering that fact that all you mother has is you and her friends, maybe helping her around the house a but more would help bring back her trust in you. I mean shes the only one taking care of a whole house. This is probably causing a lot of stress, not to mention and divorce, a job, and constant fights with her child.

If things are getting worse, I suggest losing all connecting with you mother after you go to college (What are you supposed to do a high school education?).

[Professor Fenway]

If I were in that situation, I would seek help. Nobody should be trapped in an abusive relationship like that, even if it is mother-son. Technically, if the police would actually comprehend the situation properly, she would be charged under Vandalism and Assault. But you have to take it. It isn't worth getting into jail over this, and further conflicts with her will make it much worse.

So a few step plan:
1.) When your mom asks you to help, help immediately. There is no buts and ifs or whatever. You need to regain your moms trust. If an argument crops up, don't argue. Accept what she says and go along with it.

2.) Once you feel your relationship is much more stable, calmly ask her to discuss this situation. Devise a plan where you will help her and do a certain number of tasks every day, in exchange that she doesn't bother you with the laptop and cable stuff. Set aside hours, even a day or two, where you will not be on the computer and you will be helping her or doing something else. Set up a system where you must complete all chores, homework, etc. before you get on the computer, and then only in short bursts.

3.) Once you set up this system and you have fully gained her trust, try to calmly debate the problems that occurred in the past. Make sure that she knows you will be discussing it with her. If she knows that you want to discuss it later in the week, she will be much more willing to see your viewpoint. Use logical arguments. Do NOT use threats or anything of the sort. You're pointing out what she can improve on in order to make both of you happier. She won't get mad at you, and you won't be annoyed with her. She can point out your problems as well.

4.) Look for help elsewhere. Professional Counselors and other people can help. Look in books. I would suggest one, "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Teens" by Sean Covey. It has excellent advice on relationships and other habits that can be very helpful. I can send you my copy, I don't need it.

And do NOT kill yourself! That solves nothing! It makes more problems than it solves!

[Error]

While I understand this is a personal query, and you shouldn't answer if you don't want to.
Do you have any mental conditions or illnesses? As a sufferer, I can say that some situations may appear worse than they are because of depression, schizophrenia, autism, or others. I've had similar (though less extreme and important) problems, nearly always due to my case of schizo.
With regards to the cops, going to them and explaining the situation from both your and your mother's perspective may help. I can't promise anything (I live in Canada, the cops are pretty moderate), but it may accomplish something.

And my own advice to you is to simply try and talk to your mother. Regain her trust, and try and smooth the wrinkles out of the sheet. School takes second priority here, as your life and family relationship take precedence over everything else.

[Chairman_Tiel]

I think reconciliation with her at this point is all but impossible. When I look at her all I feel is disgust and disdain, and after the cops came yesterday she became a lot more domineering.

This started last Thursday, actually. I had swept the floor the previous day and left the house in pristine condition, but when I got home the entire place was a mess on account of my siblings. I was told to sweep it again, and I questioned the fairness of me doing so when I was not the cause of the mess (siblings are 8 years old, but they've swept before, not a new concept)

Anyway, after I asked she exploded on me and kept telling me I don't decide what to do in the house, bringing up that sometimes when I'm at my dad's I have to wake up at 6~ in the morning and do work, compared to just sweeping the floor, I then pointed out I get paid for doing that, a statement she somehow interpreted as me insisting on an allowance for doing things around the house, which only worsened the situation to the point where she just said that she'd 'stop wasting her breath' on talking to me.

At that point in time, I was fed up with her antics and put the broom away (leaving the floor unswept) and went back upstairs.

And you know what happened three days later.

No, this has nothing to do with the divorce, that was at least eight years ago back when I was young, and she's since remarried and then divorced again about a year back.

Dad seems to be a lot more receptive than what my mom conveyed, I guess I believe that he has no rooms open. I've got some confidence I can convince him to fund the website now. He says I could go live with one of my brothers who's in the military, but I'm pretty unsure about everything at this point in time. Staying here is only going to land me in jail...I'm caught between a rock and a hard place.

And Mackeroth, thank you for taking the time to type that out. I'll have to think on it, though in the past leaving the computer has only left me miserable with nothing to do.

@Error

I've had cases of depression in the past, almost always related to mom, I used to be on medication about 4~ years ago for it but got taken off, I guess it still pops up on occasion. Everything even perceived as negative directed towards me in life ends up getting cataloged in this massive cloud that resurfaces from time to time. Where a normal person would realize something was said out of anger, my brain doesn't seem to comprehend that and instead hordes all of it up.

[hyperlite]

My history teacher this year moved out when he was 15 and lived with his brother for a year, his sophomore year, then his junior and senior year he rented a room from his friend. He didn't do well in high school, he even told us that when his teacher gave him a math test, he would put it in his backpack and pull out a magazine (it was the 80s...). Anyway now he is comfortably employed as a teacher, and he reads books like Game of Thrones. He didn't have it easy younger, but he got through it.

Also, a B+ is not a bad grade, Ds and Fs from not caring are.

[Iv121]

From the look of it the problem is not only in you but also in your mother but it ill be hard for you to change your mother. This situation is really unfamiliar to me as I never looked at my mother with disgust (I mean I never had such big conflicts with her), I can't understand why would she behave like that ... Do you have other relatives that live nearby ? as to not harm your studying and routine, like grandparents or such ? If yes you can just tell your mother that you both need a bit of a cooldown and some time to clear your minds and live for a weak or so with your relatives, if not it does get quite complicated. You can try to do the same home - say you both need some time to cool down and try to be together as less as possible. You can go outside with friends or such if you have them or just to take a walk outside. It's also useful to help with the computer problem. I'm quite a loner myself and yea our family doesn't have great budget so I have an old crappy cellphone ... When I have nothing to do I can just drift with my thoughts elsewhere, like imagine scenarios and put on a movie in my mind , that is how I made my story. I can either think specifically of one scenario or create the universe as whole. It is a good way to keep you busy. Also music helps .

And you really need help from outside. I'm quite sensitive from inside , or at least I was like 9 years back ... That with the fact my family were new immigrants and I'm physically weak didn't help my social skills at all ... I went to a psychologist to help me control my anger, now you'll have more success to move a giant rock than make me angry. Although I'm not proud I needed help it definitely helps and they see what we as normal people can't .

And yea B+ is not bad ... you start to get used to the Ds when the whole class gets them on math , we have diff groups who study diff level of math and I'm like in the highest but its a different story ... which reminds me that my next D awaits me tomorrow

[Prototype]

My advice is just do not do anything that could provoke your mother, if she starts shouting at you, do not respond with anger, just let it happen, and ignore anything bad. If she asks you to do something, do it, don't question as you will probably set her off, I know it's a sucky solution, but that'll stop you from being landed in jail, just do not do anything to annoy her, in order to protect yourself, if you don't do anything to annoy her, you can't go to jail .You are also going to have to think about what you say, and if it is worth saying, this bit isn't as easy as it sounds.

A friend of mine has undergone something similar, so I am somewhat familiar with this (I'm no expert though).

Another word of advice, is that from what you said in the OP, your mother probably got annoyed with you spending most of your time on the computer (similar case to my friend), which could set her off without you actually doing anything, now the normal suggestion here, is to try and improve your social life, the common response to this, is "how do you expect me to do that".
This is where I probably can't help, apart from tell you that such a thing is not impossible, my friend who was in a similar situation, suffered from paranoia, he seriously believed everyone hated him, however through devices unknown to me, he has managed to sort himself out, and even get a girlfriend (unfortunately I lost £50 over this), and from what I know of you, (I.e. you aren't completely paranoid) you should be able to find something to do other than the computer if you look, you will likely not get it first time, where most people give up, don't.

But I seriously hope you get out of this somehow, you really don't deserve this, and I can tell you that I have seen somebody get out of this situation before, it is not impossible, however much it may seem so at times.

And keep your friends close, no matter what.

Also I'll speak to my friend, and see if he'll explain how he sorted his problem out

P.S. I would be chuffed with a B+ right now, and if you can get a B+, you can get an A if you push

Also P.S. I may be able to pay for the forum if needs be

[ACH0225]

My condolences for your relationship problems. As for advice, I have little to none. I don't know how human relations work, and I have the slight feeling that owl familial relation advice wouldn't help. All I can say is that you should try and find out why your mother acts like she does. If you can overcome your revulsion for a time, and if she is calm enough, perhaps investigate about her childhood. Maybe she has latent parent issues? Also, if you can, have a mature sibling keep a journal or some form of record, so if you go to jail you can sue her for some form of child abuse with the journal as evidence of various incidence. Finally, make sure she can't find this site in your comp's history. If she does, it would probably enrage her further.

Edit: Just re-read OP. Saw part about you being possessed. Talking about mother's childhood probably wouldn't help, try going to church often and possibly receiving a confession. As far as my(probably) outdated information knows, the priests can't tell people about what you talk about. This was the 1939 Catholic church, though. Also assuming you are Catholic, but you are in Texas.