If I were to provide any feedback it'd be to have more commentary than one word every 30 seconds.
Two of the series I'm watching right now, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LamMg094l9Ehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4wn7nYsB6Og are good examples of this. It's harder to do in story driven games (which is why you usually want to avoid them for LP's, although Jesse Cox manages pretty well), but as a rule of thumb try to carry on a one-sided conversation on relevant topics throughout gameplay when not reacting directly to stuff that's happening in it. Otherwise people get bored and might well just watch another series on the game.
Also, not really a point in having a facecam if you're not going to try to make use of it. People want to see interesting reactions, not just swinging around in a chair like everyone does. Look at some of Seananners' TTT vids if you want a reference point.
I agree with tiel on talk more, You didn't sound really invested into the game. And you don't have a camera face iv. I second the idea of turning off facecam.
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