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Ivan2006 wrote:surface-to-space ICBMs start being viable the second we solve the problem that its EMP disables all advanced equipment withing a 500+km radius.

What about spear-like things?

We could use the missiles as Harpoons

"Captain preparing to lan-" THUNK "Oh god! Their pulling us in! Shit shit shit!"

And that's how humanity gathers alien tech.

Bomb-pumped X-Ray Laser: blow up a nuke and direct the resulting radiation burst at hue bad guys. Watch hulls melt. Board, shoot baddies, collect reamins and wreck, reverse-engineer, humanity becomes starfaring in six months, and then scares the living shit out of errybody for a while.

What if... what if all other empires discovered FTL tech at our equivalent of the colonial age?

And then one of them invaded us?

"Those backwater humans don't even have FTL, we'll beat them up easily!"
*sees tank*
"haha look they have weird carts"
*tank shoots*
"holy fucking shit, RETREAT"

"So get this, humans can barely even go into space, but they have light that can literally melt metal. Petition to stay the fuck away?"

Except by them landing, and us wrecking them, we get their FTL technology.

What now?

That's when we start colonizing the galaxy using a technique called Humanity Fuck Yeah.
Because saying put-flags-on-every-single-planet-or-other-space-object-and-"civilize"-all-intelligent-species-who-live-there-by-the-clever-use-of-lazors-and-missiles takes way too long to say and doesn't even have a cool acronym.

@Fen ever read the short story 'The Road Not Taken'?

Short version: muskets-and-wood ships aliens arrive, land in L.A., open fire with many a flourish, gwt totally laid out by the infantry, armour, and aircraft of 2015.

And the last scene of the book; both alien commanders realize they gave FTL drives to the (by their standards) hyper-advanced humans.

"What have we done?"

"I wonder what happened to that colony fleet we sent to that place called 'Earth'... We haven't heard form them in five years."
*Human counter-colonization fleet warps in*
On human flagship: "We shall bring them extensive freedom!"

@Error I must read that

Should be able to find a copy via Google search or something - 'The Road Not Taken', by Harry Turtledove (yes, that's his name).

I have read it. Poor Roxalani.

http://pastebin.com/aJQfubrK

Only maybe legal

That was actually a very good read, raises several philosophical questions and what not.
If you want more stories about humans being way better than aliens I suggest you google "Humanity Fuck Yeah".

It makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. I don't know why, but it does.