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Bright-

It seems some joker has cut my links to the primary servers on Terra. This should be corrected at some point soon; I also feel I should warn you of a set of extensive sensor logs being relayed to you. You may need a seperate - secure - server to store them all.

-S-CMDR Korriman

Links corrected. And we have a few spare servers available; just nothing over five zettabytes, please.

-T.O. Bright [01-02-2755]

Tech-

Either their paranoia went mad (again) or they're firing Stauros at their own planets; either way, I need a new secure link to T-COMM. Strig have managed to bust two of my proxies, somehow, and the rest were nuked to ensure our operatives' safety. Halp.

-Agent Vishinski

Remember what I said about not browsing or linking to servers outside Strig turf? New proxy-net established, and if you break this one, go whine to the Administrator, not me.

-Jack [22-02-2755]

Commander Bright,

It would appear that the Tajer have managed to sever all but two of my links to T-COMM. I request new ones; and also, a spam filter to stop these Tajerian "enhancement" advertistments from reaching me.

-Agent Zatsevya

New links up. You people can't just keep it quiet, can you? Also, your three requests to have TF-R-3 deployed to extract "that creepy fucking stalker guy" have been denied. If it bothers you that much, use your own damn weapon.

Plus, any requests should be passed to your C.O., not me; as much as the tech staff appreciate your looks, we don't lead the TFs or ARTs. So stop asking us to mobilize them.

-Jack [05-03-2755]

Ok i'll bite, what is this?

WE post tech issues our staff is having? Idk.

Bright, I've a problem. Dr. Rights nicked my computer - again - but it wasn't behind the standard proxies. She ignored me when I said that, so; one, can you proxy it, two, can you get it back please.

-Dr. Hoffmann

NOTE: My computer now. -Dr. Rights

Hoffmann,

No, I can't get it back, and it's now proxied. Requisition a new one.

Rights,

Enjoy your new computer. Also, I hear Maloff's * stash is fantastic.

-Jack

A Tajerian tech sat monitoring a screen inside a AI security center on the North Pole of his planet. "Interesting" him mumbled noticing the oddly encrypted transmission coming from a suspicious building. "Let's just check this out..." Pressing a few buttons for a police raid. Meanwhile half a planet away in warmer climates said building sat happily at least, until a swarm of security drones smashed through the windows and some very mean looking ELITEs blew or kicked in the doors and swarmed the building.


Just another average day in * germany Tajeria.

Transmission from Cuuyth Communications Hub to Cuuyth Personnel Management
Requisition type- New code-breaker

Reason- No, really. The last one you fucks sent was awful. Now that I think about it, the past few workers you've sent over here have been absolute shite.

Give us a new one.

Transmission from Cuuyth Personnel Management to Cuuyth Communications Hub

Due to protocol E-И-754, we cannot fulfil your request.

Transmission from Cuuyth Communications Hub to Cuuyth Personnel Management

Bullshit. I looked it up, I HAD to look it up; that obscure, shitty piece of bureaucracy you pulled out your anal crevice was a protocol regarding crystallized sweets and other crystallized snacks.

Written 2,000 years ago.

Let's try this again; I send down the incompetent code breaker you sent up here, and you send one of the competent programmers that we and the guys over at Ship Name Management know you've been hoarding to organize your own databases.

Bright-

Tajerians busted up one of our safehouses. Nothing really important, or even mildly problematic; but we are down one safehouse. At least the proxies worked; also, we need a new network here. Fun times.

-Agent Zatsevya

Bloody hell. Alright, I'll set up the new network.

Remember my instruction book on how not to send covert messages? You don't, because you didn't read it. Do that. Now.

-Jack

Jackie boy!

One of our space boats reported that -026 is out of his box and enroute to Strigiforme space. Now, while I hate the owls as much as the next guy - provided the next guy isn't Vyyrallis - but I feel like letting a tentacle monster with a passionate hate for the Strigiforme run amok is a bad idea.

Also, the reason I sent this is because you need to remotely reactivate the control implants. None of us poor dumb field agents can do it.

-Agent Diogenes

NOTE: I hate you too, Diogenes. -Vyytrallis

P.S. spell my name right.

Guys. 026 is now writhing in pain - or pleasure, hard to tell with him - on PMY-1B5. You have a ship, Diogenes, go fetch. Vyytrallis, if you have a bone to pick with the hermoaphrodite, do it somewhere other than my technical reports server.

-Jack

P.S. Use of the term "space boat" is punishable by demotion to L-Rank. It's in the regs. Never use that term again.

<:.\ LISTENING POST 31: HXG COMMAND; SECTION 3 |::| TECHNOMA: HXG RD; SECTION 2 \.:>
>>REQUISITIONS; PERSONNEL:
-3- SENSORS TECHNICIAN
>>REQUISITIONS; EQUIPMENT:
-1- SENSORS ARRAY; N=PATTERN
-1- SENSORS ARRAY; S=PATTERN
-1- SENSORS ARRAY; T=PATTERN
>>MEMORANDUM:
[Our suites are outdated and can no longer penetrate Novan, Strigiforme, or Tajerian counters. This is our fifth request, when the hell can we expect them to arrive?]
<:.\ END \.:>

<:.\ TECHNOMA: HXG RD; SECTION 2 |::| LISTENING POST 31: HXG COMMAND; SECTION 3 \.:>
>>RE: REQUISTION:
[Request denied. We can't spare the systems for a listening post in the middle of nowhere.]

Transmission from CPM to CCH

Roger, will comply. Sending a programmer up to you in a shuttle, return it with the unsatisfactory worker.

Transmission from CCH to CPM

As much as we appreciate the gesture, a prostitute won't make up for the loss of workload caused by bad workers. As it is, we're teaching her to code anyways.

We're also not giving the shuttle back until we get our new worker.

Transmission from CCH to CPM

A second shuttle is ours. Stinkbombs and long-term blue smoke grenades.

What is this, amateur hour?

Clearly, you don't know who you are up against. I thought you got the guy from Cuuyth Agricultural Transport Command, or maybe he is still shell-shocked from when we filled their station with luminescent lemon pudding. Expect our retribution.

Transmission from CCH to CPM

Where are you pulling all these shuttles from? Seriously, you must have hundreds if you are going to waste them by trying to fill our station with adhesive pellets. Really, which one of you is making these up? Obviously the pellets are going to stick to the shuttle, not roll out and stick to our walls.

Hope you are enjoying the Vyykiiatri worms; they are constantly laying eggs as they crawl, so expect thousands of their similarly-loud hatchlings to emerge every day.

Marcel Vega
tec.marvega_2@ttires.org
3 new messages

From: dr.johmichaels@ttires.org
Subject: Bug in cloud storage?

Marcel, there seems to be an error with the cloud storage. I can't save anything to my online storage, nor access what I've already stored there. I have some important research data there which I need to access, could you please try to fix it?

To: dr.johmichaels@ttires.org
Subject: Re: Bug in cloud storage?

Seems to be a simple picnic error, I'll come by and show you after lunch, okay?

From: sec.andkeyes@ttires.org
Subject: New password routines

All sector 97 technicians, I just received orders from Zuguth about new password protocols. The new protocols can be found at ttiresearch.org/personnel/sector97/tech/news. Please have the protocols up and running by Tuesday.
-Andrea Keyes, Sector 97 Security

From: ai.sec.00403@ttires.org
Subject: Weekly reports

WeeklyReports_sec.marvega_2_2755-7.pdf (1.3 MB)

|Encryption Key 36-HEX-5|
-Destination||Antioch Torus Control-
-Sender||Diablo Titan Command-

Control,

Dimensional Shield Unit 12-DSU reports excessive dimensional flux in emitter 665-XK from an unknown source. Emitter is non-functional due to perceived flux. However, Dimensional Sensing Unit 6617 reports no such flux present. Hardware has been analyzed and no faults have been found. Software is thus the issue. Please advise.

Diablo,

12-DSU has been remotely reset and the flux has disappeared. Software encountered a local division-by-zero error which has corrected upon reload. Reset further as necessary to correct invalid flux detection.

Bright,

ART-B-5 reported that server facilities within Site-14 have been destroyed by -954's rampage. Please direct Agent Zatsevya and Agent Morlova to the backups at Site-32.

-Dr. Cill

NOTE: Found it. -Agent Zatsevya

Proxies, links, hardlinks, and secure systems set up. Also, we tell newbies we *contain* these things, can we live up to that?

-Jack

I hope you know, that I always risk my life, when I go in there, ok?

New orders requested.
-Lot Mor

Lot was still a bit shocked, as his last jump transported him right in front of a heavy logistics droid, which had an "express" delivery.
He was sure, that the technician sitting on the other end of the line was having the time of his life, watching Lot as he nearly got a heart attack.

Don't worry, this time you won't have to pick up something from the floor. This time you have to repair a robotic arm on one of our cargo trains.

New orders transmitted.
-Logistics Support Center

The order he got was quite simple, Lot had to teleport onto a train, repair an electric motor and then get off the train at the station.
Lot got onto the teleporter pad, which only allowed jumps away from it. As he stepped on it, his paws seemed to be glued to the ground. A second later it began to accelerate and Lot suddenly realized, that he would have to make the repair on a moving train. He wanted to get off the pad, but it was to late. He could only teleport away from here, however he was so fast, that it would kill him, if he jumped above a not moving destination. So he focused on the coordinates. 3... 2... 1....
Everything around him went dark for a second, until he rematerialized above the train, on which he had to repair the motor. Lot was moving a bit faster than the train, so he tumbled a bit when he landed. He turned around and saw a robotic arm, which seemed to be frozen in an unfinished movement. He went ahead and climbed up the ladder, until he could reach the broken motor. The repair took about two minutes, however, there was a nasty surprise at the end. As Lot removed a bit of rubbish, the arm reactivated again and finished it's last movement -with the precision and the speed of the logistic systems of the Gurrads- and hit Lot in the face. He shouted the first swear word which came to his mind and the second one too. He held his nose with his hands, when he noticed, that they began to turn red. His nose was bleeding.

I'm done. Could you please send a medical robot to the next station, I have "minor insults."

Task completed.
-Lot Mor

About fifty seconds later, the train arrived at a station near to the middle of the ship. The robotic arms began unloading and Lot made sure that he was not in their range. A woman was standing in the personnel entrance. She was waving at him. He went over to her and asked her if she had seen a medical droid on her way here. She shook her head gave Lot a tissue and said: "Sorry, that I didn't inform you about the whole situation," she pointed at the robotic arm, "however you've done a good job." "Thanks," Lot replied. The woman turned around and said: "I know a nice little bar, it's not far from here." Lot grinned and realized, that the day was not as bad as he thought.

Transmission from CPM to CCH

The previous manager assigned to you has been moved to cover Maternity Management for Cuuyth Fine Arts Management. Desist these petty pranks you keep sending in the mail and shuttles, or we'll send you there too. As for the original worker issue, we have none to spare.

Transmission from CCH to CPM

You sick bastard. You'll never get me alive. Never. Give us a decent coder or we'll use our nuclear option.

Transmission from CPM to CCH

Keep in mind who pays you to whiz around in a fancy orbital station fiddling with computers. As it is, I have my talon on the button to send you(Vyytriil Tyyric) to go work with those lovely, hormonal drama queens. Consider your options carefully.

Addendum: You wouldn't dare

Transmission from CCH to CPM

Try me.

Transmission from CPM to CCH

Your shuttle and orders are en route. Hope you're satisfied.

Transmission from CCH to CPM

You've forced me to do this. When this is all over, you will know that you have only yourself to blame. Everything that happens next is your fault.

Transmission from CPM to CCH

A shuttle full of helium won't stop us.

Transmission from CPM to CCH

You should really not release flying drones all around our base. Annoying as it is, they're easy enough to round up. Nice try.

Transmission from CPM to CCH

I'm not even going to try to figure out how you managed to rig them all with aerial dispersed itching powder. This petty pranking won't stop your transfer.

Transmission from CPM to CCH

Congratulations, you released chemicals in our base. Was making all our food taste bitter and making our feathers yellow your goal?

Transmission from CPM to CCH

Stop. This has stopped being amusing and started being a serious security breach when our doors won't close entirely, we're registered to order 150,000 K'lii worth of Tyyrviityar style take-out, and a dozen prostitutes show up on our doorstep. Cease this.

Transmission from CPM to CCH

Our vengeance will be swift and sweet, you fucker. Sending you to the CFAM is only the first part.